May
04
2009

Dealing With The Negativity

I think I’m a pretty nice guy, so I’m always amazed at some of the emails I get. I have embedded one of the emails I received this week to give you an example.

Now in my opinion there are two types of negative emails, 1) constructive criticism emails i.e. “I can’t believe you removed that feature, you made a huge mistake” and 2) unconstructive criticism i.e. “You all suck”. Here at Tatango, we make sure that every constructive criticism email is given adequate thought and responded to. However, when it comes to unconstructive emails, you have to fight the urge to respond, as it’s not worth your time and never results in anything positive. This is easy to preach, but when that email shows up in your inbox, I recommend you go through the four steps below to refrain yourself from giving in and responding.

1. Get a second opinion - When someone attacks me personally (especially when they mention my family, like they did in the email above) my natural reaction is to attack them back 100X worse. Before doing anything though, get a second opinion. At Tatango, my second opinion comes from Alex, our VP of Marketing. Since these emails aren’t directed at him personally, he usually sees things from a more logical standpoint as he can remove himself emotionally from the situation, which makes him better at making a decision on wether to respond or not.

2. Give it a little time - Never respond right away to a message like the one above. Trust me, if you give it a little bit of time, most likely you will forget about it.

2. Put yourself in their shoes - Try to get in the mind of the sender and figure out why they took the time to contact you and why they said what they did. If you really look at one of these emails, you will see they scream of hatred, jealousy and anger. As a personal safety issue, you don’t want to compound these emotions in the sender by responding.

3. What positive things will come out of responding? - NOTHING. I’ve actually tried responding to a few of these emails to see what happens. Usually you feel good for a few hours after responding and then the person responds with even more hate and anger. Congratulations, you are now back where you started and have wasted a few minutes of your day in dealing with this. Don’t you have bigger and better things to worry about?

4. Believe in yourself - These emails never bother me, even the real personal attacks. Why? I believe in myself! I know none of what he saying is true and I have no respect for this person, so why should I care what he says or let it get to me?

Viewing 18 Comments

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    Derek-

    Great post.. As a business owner myself, I often wonder how people like this stay in business... oh wait, they don't. Creative process in how to deal with something that can have more control over your actions then they ought to. 86 41...
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    The web may have been a huge advance in many ways but it sure didn't nothing to improve people's manners!
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    Let's be real, Exhibit A (41) has simply written a jumbled mess of jargon, and Exhibit B (shakey dog) should start http://theshakeydog.com and share his content with the world. Love the post.
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    Derek,
    That just looks like jealousy to me. Awesome job taking the high road.
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    Derek, your post is tame and inoffensive. Very nice. I do have constructive feedback though. The name of your website "thederekjohnson" is incredibly pretentious and will turn off most people. It does not show confidence, it shows insecurity. Further, the picture at the top makes you look like a tool as do the quotations that appear directly below it, none of which are funny. None of these things are necessarily your fault, so therefore, if it seems like I am attacking you, I apologize.

    To make yourself seem like less of a tool, you could hire someone with some personality to "pretend" to be you and design the website. For instance, they could throw out the unfunny quotations immediately. Nobody gives a shit about how funny you think you are. That's not why people come to this site. Further, they could remove all the photos of you on this website immediately. Going through that flickr gallery made me think I was in Home Depot, what with so many images of tools all over the place.

    What I'm trying to say is, I suggest presenting yourself as you really are. An intelligent and motivated young man who has created a successful business. Present yourself with a little dignity, not clawing at the camera like a fool. This way you will gain self-respect and self knowledge, two things sorely lacking in a capitalist society where the biggest winners are those who pander to others the most. God bless and best of luck with your company!
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    You make some decent points. Too bad you discredit yourself by being insulting and giving a back handed apology for "seeming like" you are making personal attacks.
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    Dude, it's easy to attack someone in the open when you don't have to show who you are and defend yourself against the same criticisms you lobby against them. Saying the domain is pretentious is a matter of taste. You think it's pretentious. Others don't. Maybe, you should word it that way next time instead of making a blanket judgment. The same goes for your opinions on the pictures and the quotes.

    For your part, I can at least appreciate that you recognize some good qualities in Derek even though you wrap your compliments in swear words and slander.

    As a side note, make sure to read Unnecessary Quotes before you comment on your next blog.
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    When I read your post I thought it was a joke until I saw Derek's answer. I completely huge time disagree with everything you said!
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    @The Shakey Dog

    1. "The name of your website "thederekjohnson" is incredibly pretentious and will turn off most people."

    Really? Did you take a poll of people who visit the site and get a consensus of how they feel in regards to the name?


    2. "Nobody gives a shit about how funny you think you are. That's not why people come to this site."

    You are aware that this is a personal website right? By definition this is an area where the owner SHOULD express themselves however they see fit.

    3. "That's not why people come to this site."

    Again, I assume that for purposes of this comment you made, you consider your feelings / interpretation to be consistent with the entire readership of this site....

    4. "Going through that flickr gallery made me think I was in Home Depot, what with so many images of tools all over the place."

    I just laughed at this one. It honestly made me laugh :P

    5. "I suggest presenting yourself as you really are."

    Uh, honestly, I think he is doing this. If you don't like "who" he is, then sign off... it's that simple.

    Really, your comments are generalized, specific to YOUR interpretation of Derek's personality and really just reflect your own insecurities and thin, politically correct skin.

    @Derek

    When I saw you say "Hey buddy" I made popcorn and settled in for a flame war.

    The only thing I would say about your comments are that you say those photos show that you are a "real" person, which many of them being photo shoot style, processed photos which are highly setup, those -- to me -- are not "REAL". That being said, I have no problem with the pictures, I just wouldn't try to pass them off as a geniune representation of "you". Just my comment, keep up the good work, and good luck with the rest of "bashing on Derek week"! :)
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    Hey buddy, thanks for the comment.

    First, I completely agree with you about the photos, those were fillers from a photo shoot and were pretty lame. I have removed them and updated my photos. I think the photos show that I'm a real person, they are going to be left up.

    Second, I really don't care how many people I "turn off" with things I do or say on this blog. This blog is merely for me to vent and share my wisdom with whoever will listen. I'm not trying to make money off this blog or attract a huge following, it's merely a pet project on the side of Tatango.

    Thanks again for your feedback, it's greatly appreciated... wish more people would tell me what they honestly think.

    - Derek
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    What does the 41 everywhere mean?
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    Right on Derek; no response required IMHO.
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    Unless your negative feedback is coming from a frustrated customer with reasonable, constructive complaints frustrations, it's probably best to round-file it ASAP. More often than not, these people aren't customers. Spend your energy serving customers, where it will do some good.
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    Hate emails are always "fun." I have a really tough time not responding and being a dick in response, but you are totally right that it never gets you anywhere. As difficult as it is to ignore it, it's best to just let it lie.

    Well put, Derek. This is just one of many factors that make you a great business person.
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    Derek,
    I think your decision not to respond is professional and mature. Your best response is to continue, as you do, communicating with your customers Tatango updates and being available for open dialog. I think you do a really good job at that.

    Lois Ardito, Principal Avenue 3 Real Estate, Cambridge, MA
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    Good post, thanks for sharing.

    -MrCrawford
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    Thanks for sharing this email and your thoughts about the reaction. I wholeheartedly agree with all of your points. Very well said. This is a much needed attitude and I hope it makes some people think and at least reconsider their position on the instant attack-back method, which never works and just further spreads animosity. Continue spreading the positive, Derek!
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    I've had this happen to me before... when I was younger in business, I took it very personally and would instantly engage the person who sent trash my way. However, after a while, I'd come to the same place as you... #3 is ALWAYS where it comes back to!
 

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